i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
