just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
