Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
