i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
