Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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