Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize