I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
