What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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