if only i could text you this smell
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
