Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
