Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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