He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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