Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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