People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
