So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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