May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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