Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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