come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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