My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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