i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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