Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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