You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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