he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
