I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
