the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
