it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There r osticjed everywhere
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
