my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize