thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
