Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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