i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
