Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
