I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
