Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
