Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
