I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
