I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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