I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
