it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
