Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
