it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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