Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize