Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
