Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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