as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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