My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
