ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
