Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
