i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
