I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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