mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
