I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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