Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
