I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
