Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
