Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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