what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
