I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
