Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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