somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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