I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
