If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
