So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
