I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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