giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
