I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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