I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
