I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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