so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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