i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
