bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
