i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
