the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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