think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
