Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
