So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
