So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
