I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
