I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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