My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
